I’m a survivor! And so are you. This is a presentation I was honored to share with a group of ladies earlier this month. Many of my friends and family have expressed interest in it so I am sharing it here, with all of you. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading.
Do you think of yourself as a survivor? Have you ever mourned the loss of a loved one? Maybe you have moved to a new town where you didn’t know many people? Have you persevered through financial struggles? Then YOU are a survivor! The truth is we are ALL survivors of something. Every single one of us has faced some type of hard ship, some difficult situation, that required us to struggle and “dig deep”.
You know that saying: you never know what someone else is going through, so be kind? That is very true! So many people go about their lives hiding what they are struggling with and hesitating to share their story, but that doesn’t make their struggles any less real. Hiding those struggles can make you feel even more alone and isolated. However, you sharing your survival story can let others know that they are not alone, and that can be so much more helpful that you may even realize.
In preparing this presentation I did a little research to see if there was any science behind helping others (I am a scientist by degree, after all). What I found were many references to how helping others can boost your own happiness and mood, increase your gratitude, and make you a more positive and confident person. So, if you can help others, and yourself, at the same time – why not?!?! Personally, I have found that helping others has helped me begin to heal emotionally. It’s still a work in progress but it’s progress!
Let me elaborate a little, by sharing a bit of my story….
What comes to mind when you think of Valentine’s day? Pretty paper Valentine cards, like the ones we handed out as school kids? A romantic dinner with a loved one? Maybe flowers and decadent chocolates?
Those are things that I used to think of as well, until…. Valentine’s Day 2020. The day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My husband and I now have this memory of Valentine’s Day – sitting in a doctor’s office at the cancer center listening to my oncologist list out all the things to come in my treatment plan. Then coming home and telling our son, who was thirteen at the time.
This step in my story had actually started several weeks prior to Valentine’s Day. A routine mammogram showed something suspicious. Quickly that suspicious result was followed with more testing that included an ultrasound and a biopsy. After my diagnosis, my husband and I met with four new doctors over a three-week period. It was all so very overwhelming!
Within a few weeks I had undergone genetic testing, surgery, and reconstruction. I took some time off work to recover. Soon after I would start radiation treatments, every day for a month, then start the dreaded five years of daily medication. I lost count of the number of follow up appointments I attended, most of which my husband attended as well. With four doctors following every step of my cancer journey I felt like I was always at the doctor.
But this treatment plan is only a part of my story. What else was going on in my life? I am a wife and, as I mentioned, a mom.
I was working full time at a very demanding job (with long hours) and I was working on my J.D. (graduate school) in my “free time”.
I was also helping to care for both my Mom and Grandmother. Because sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, both of these ladies were (at the time) in the same assisted living facility, both with dementia. My Grandmother has since passed. But, for a moment, imagine getting a cancer diagnosis and not being able to discuss it with your Mom or your Grandmother because they wouldn’t be able to understand. So, I would visit, attend their doctor appointments when needed, paste a smile on my face, and act like everything was fine.
Oh, and let’s not forget, we all found out about COVID-19 only two weeks after my surgery! Cancer patient = immune system concerns, DURING a worldwide pandemic…. Yeah, sure. Let’s add that to the mix too.
Stressed? Who me? I say that jokingly because, who wouldn’t be stressed with all of those things happening at once?
I will honestly say, there were some very bad days. But there were also some very good days. We’ve had both happy and sad days throughout this journey.
One thing that helped me immensely is my faith. When I was scared, I prayed. Sometimes out loud, sometimes silently. Some family members and friends gave me religious medals (pictured here) which I placed all on the same necklace and wore to every single radiation appointment and for months after. I still have and cherish these medals. There was, and still is, a rock garden outside the cancer center. I took a rock several times when I needed strength and, when I was feeling up to it, I painted several that I delivered to the rock garden for other patients to take. Some friends even painted rocks to contribute to the rock garden!
This quote has stuck with me throughout this journey, and it has helped me keep perspective on the harder days. Some days it’s too overwhelming to focus on the “big picture” or the entire to-do list. On those days I focus on the next thing: take a shower – check. Eat something – check. Take my meds – check.
I’m proud to say that I am currently CANCER FREE! I got to ring the survivor bell, and my husband and son got to be there with me for that moment. After this picture there were tears. But also, immediately after this last radiation treatment, we had a happy gathering at home with some family and friends to celebrate finishing this step in the journey.
But please know that cancer free doesn’t mean its all over. For many patients, myself included, there are long term side effects that stay with you long after the bell is rang. I still have unpredictable pains, fatigue, and weakness. Not every day, but a few times a week and with no rhyme or reason. I have lymphedema in one arm and side of my chest as a result of radiation treatments, and the lymphedema comes with restrictions such as limits to what I can lift.
As I said earlier, I have found that helping others also helps me heal emotionally. But, how do I do that?....
One thing I have done is work with Imerman Angels. They are a non-profit group that pairs newly diagnosed cancer patients with survivors who have a similar diagnosis and lifestyle. Someone you can talk to who has truly been there and can help you answer questions and concerns you didn’t think of when sitting with your doctor. Or someone you can reach out to 2pm on a Sunday because your surgery is coming up and you’re scared.
I have also written this blog. Cancer brain is a real thing, and this allowed me to journal details that I may forget later. I have shared this with some recently diagnosed patients who found it helpful, so I continue to share it. I even made these cards that are now at the local cancer center for patients that may want them. Attached to each card is a little resin bear which I also made – one of my many crafting creations!
I have also given back by supporting fundraising events. A dear friend of mine has raised over $500,000 for our local cancer center, and I am honored that she has let me be a very small part of that! Every little bit helps!
Sharing this story with all of you, is another step in my journey of healing! Thank you for being here. I hope this story inspires you to share your story.
As I mentioned earlier, we have ALL survived something. I encourage you to take that experience and use it for something good. Our methods of helping others with our experiences may look very different, but that’s ok. We each journey through life, and our trials, in our own way. Do what helps you to process your experiences in your own way.
Not every day is the same, so when days are hard take the time to rest and take care of yourself. This is a lesson that has taken me a while to learn. It is OK to rest when you need to!
And when days are not so hard, use those days to give back to those around you. It will lift their spirits, and yours!
As my Grandmother would say “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. Your journey, your recovery, and even your efforts to give back to others may need to be approached step by step. That’s ok! Just take a step, then another…. You get it.
Thank you, each of you, for being here and being a part of this journey. I couldn’t do this without you. Life is hard, we need to support each other as often as we can.
We ended the presentation by passing around one of my favorite rocks from the garden outside the cancer center. As the rock was passed around the table each lady had the opportunity to share about something they survived. I won’t share their stories here, as they are not my stories to tell. But I will say it was emotional, and very beautiful. We laughed, we cried, and together we began to heal.
