You are part of my support system!

In my last post I mentioned having a good support system. Anyone going through intense medical treatments will need help at some point. Heck, anyone going through life in general will need support at times! As strong as you are, please allow yourself to accept the help that is offered. It has taken me quite some time, 43 years or so now, to learn this lesson. IT IS OK TO ACCEPT HELP. IT IS OK TO ACCEPT HELP. Once more, say it with me, IT IS OK TO ACCEPT HELP.

While some people are blessed with very large support systems, that span literally everyone they have ever met, realize that is not always the case. Your support system may not be your family, spouse or even a close friend, it can be literally anyone and everyone and will most likely change throughout your journey. For example, I have been blessed to have a very supportive husband and son who have been there every step of the way thus far in this cancer journey. They have cooked, cleaned, managed my medication schedule, taken me to appointments… But there have been others as well, each playing a part that only they could play. My sister cooked meals for us so we didn’t have to worry about cooking and washing dishes the first few days after my surgery. My hairdresser washed my hair at her salon when I wasn’t yet allowed to get the incisions wet. Friends sent care packages, called and texted, checked in on us, and even stopped by to visit. Later in my journey there have been coworkers that continue to check in regularly, a friend that is helping me rebuild my strength physically and another that is helping me to rebuild myself emotionally. There have been neighbors that brought me aloe creams when the radiation burns got bad, a friend that sent me flowers unexpectedly when I was having a rough day, and even parents of my son’s friends that reached out to see how they could help. All of these people have played an essential role, some were expected and some were very unexpected. But all were needed and all very much appreciated. Your support group may include a stranger in a coffee shop, names in an online support group, or stories in this blog. Any and all of these can be pieces of the puzzle that help you get through this difficult battle.

Understand that cancer is hard. Cancer is scary. And some days, even with the best support group, cancer can be lonely. I’ve had days where I felt alone even with my support group around me. That’s normal. It’s normal to have bad days, but don’t allow yourself to stay there. When I am having a bad day, I reach out for my support group. My family helps to cheer me up and cheer me on, especially when I am having a weak moment.

Let’s flip the script for a minute… As much as it’s necessary for me to lean on the people around me when I need support, it’s also incredibly healing to help others in their cancer journey. I have recently met a lady going through the beginning stages of her cancer journey and have had the great honor and privilege of walking that path with her. I have been able to answer her questions, and offer her support from an emotional space that only another cancer patient could. As much as I am trying to help her, she is unknowingly helping me. There’s something therapeutic about using your challenges and struggles to help someone else. If I had to go through this thing called cancer, I may as well use what I have learned to help others – right?

If you are reading this to help someone you care about, but have not actually been through cancer yourself, let me offer a few suggestions.

1) Listen. Never underestimate the comfort you can give by just being there and listening.

2) Care packages are great if you can’t be there in person. Soft blankets, their favorite reading material or movies, a pretty cup to help keep them hydrated, snacks, google ideas - there are tons of them!

3) Drive with them to appointments. The anxiety leading to an appointment and the emotions afterward are a lot to face. Especially alone. Be a pleasant distraction, company for the ride, and a shoulder to cry on if needed – or join them for a celebratory cup of coffee when they get good news!

If you are a cancer patient reading this, share some suggestions in the comments. What were the most helpful things to you as you were going through diagnosis, surgery and treatments?

Regardless of if you are a current patient, a survivor, or a caregiver thank you for reading.By simply reading this, YOU are a part of my support system!